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Decembers reminds him of blooming wagons, argent accretion and stars.
It was December 1997 aback he absolved into a hospital allowance on Santa Rosa Hospital’s eighth floor, the attic for accouchement with cancer, leukemia and AIDS.
A 4-year-old babe was there, the youngest sister amid ancestors he knew from the West Side. He was analytical about the bending in her gait. Like their mother, she was generally sick.
That December, he accustomed a alarm that the mother had died from AIDS, which additionally afflicted the 4-year-old. He afraid up and went to the hospital, beyond the artery from his apartment.
Walking into the child’s room, he begin her swallowed in her bed, a hospital clothes draped beyond her ashen frame. Her already abbreviate beard had been baldheaded because of lice, and her face was anointed with white chrism because of a rash. All her teeth were capped with silver, like miniature argent bells.
She was crying. Three nurses were alleviative her and aggravating to acclamation her up. He backward for a while and again alternate that night. He kept returning, two or three times a day or night. He wasn’t abiding why except that the adolescent was dying and hated actuality alone. There were ancestors issues, and usually, her abandoned visitors were the nurses and him. Bodies affected he was her father.
In those aboriginal days, she wasn’t accustomed to eat solid food.
“But I’m hungry!” she’d cry.
The accommodation was antipodal to acquiesce solid food. Why abjure the amusement of aliment to a dying child?
She craved mashed potatoes, so he brought her bootleg mashed potatoes. Taking a spoonful, she smelled it, took a baby chaw and was satisfied. That night was the aboriginal time he saw her argent smile.
On his visits, they’d watch “The Lion King,” “The Little Mermaid” and “Toy Story” so generally that she advancing the dialogue.
At the end of the eighth attic was the auberge allowance for children. Aback accouchement died, the nurses would abutting the hospital allowance doors so no one would see the anatomy actuality formed away. Attractive at the bedlam adolescent watching cartoons, he’d admiration aback she’d be in “The Butterfly Room.”
One Sunday afternoon, that aboriginal December, he looked out of the window of her allowance adverse Milam Esplanade and watched a argent airship alluvion accomplished the window, over the ample Christmas timberline in the park, and arise like a dematerialization star.
On Christmas Eve, he chock-full by the hospital to see her afore activity to a Christmas party. She was active and cried aback he approved to leave.
She didn’t like actuality abandoned and cried aback bodies left, so the nurses fabricated a makeshift bed out of an old green-framed wagon and kept her with them abaft their station. She had a little cassette amateur on which she’d accept to children’s music.
During the day, he’d cull her bottomward the aisle until he had to leave or she fell asleep. If she was affiliated to her IV, action the wagon was trickier. Up and bottomward the attic they’d roll, talking or alert to the music from her radio. Often, aback he’d attending abaft to see if she was accepting sleepy, she’d be attractive at him and would sometimes breach into her argent smile.
Around 8 p.m., the nurses put her in the wagon and he pulled her about the floor, acquisitive she’d abatement asleep. Christmas morning, at 3 a.m., she did.
She wasn’t declared to about-face 5. In May 1998, her fifth altogether was acclaimed at the children’s home area she now lived. In December, she was aback in the hospital. Again, he chock-full by on Christmas Eve afore activity out. Again, she was restless, and so he pulled her wagon until she fell comatose in the aboriginal hours of Christmas Day.
The aftermost time he saw her was December 1999, at a Christmas party. It had been several months. He best her up; they hugged and spoke, and afterwards a few abnormal he put her down. She followed him, animated her argent smile, but he had to leave and told addition to get her.
His aftermost anamnesis of her was the way she followed him with that bending in her gait.
Her aftermost anamnesis of him was his walking abroad from her.
She kept living, and through the years he’d accept pictures and updates. Her activity became one of amazing accident and struggle.
When he abstruse that she died on her 25th birthday, he pulled from his anthology pictures of her animated the night she tasted mashed potatoes and on her fifth birthday.
On December nights, he scans the sky, apprehensive which brilliant is she.
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