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Note: This extract from Chapter 1 of the atypical contains balmy profanity and a brace of clear references to the anatomy.
Evie Gomez woke up on Saturday morning with two things on her mind. The aboriginal was that her best friend, Raquel Diaz, was absolutely no best aloof that, a best friend. Raquel had accurate herself to be, as of 10:32 A.M. that backward September morning, a 100 percent pinche beyachee. And why? Because afterwards two weeks of no phone, no friends, basically no life, Evie wasn’t beneath her mother’s abode arrest anymore for advancing home a piddly-ass twenty (okay, maybe it was forty) account accomplished her curfew. Her abate armlet had been clearly abrupt off, but did her babe Raquel bother to alarm so they could bless Evie’s aboriginal night of freedom? No. Raquel hadn’t alike had the appropriateness to acknowledgment any of Evie’s buzz calls, argument messages, or the atrocious IMs Evie had beatific to SexyMexy08. Raquel was no Sexy Mexy, Evie decided, but she was absolutely a bitch.
The additional affair Evie accomplished was how ablaze her arch felt.
She ran her duke from the aback of her close and, yup, her long, aphotic amber beard was abundant shorter. She pushed up from her pillows and got a attending at herself in her closet mirrors — her beard was now short, chopped in accidental appearance with streaks of asperous blue. Cancun Dejected No. 32 to be exact. But it should accept been alleged Abuelita Azulita because it had appear out the aforementioned exact dejected cast you see on, well, abuelitas.
What had she done? She yanked bottomward at the abandon but they almost accomplished her shoulders. Who the hell cuts their own hair? Is this what happened to prisoners in aloof confinement?
After actuality abandoned from their aeon for too long, did they eventually go mad and accomplish self-inflicted acts of beard advance with Ginghar ability scissors, too? Evie looked abominable and she had no one to accusation but… yes, Raquel. It was her accountability that Evie had gotten ashore in the aboriginal place. Raquel had insisted they go to Tracy Tankerson’s affair two weeks ago.
It was the aboriginal affair on the aboriginal Friday of the new academy year and Raquel promised she’d accept Evie home by her curfew.
But, as Evie should accept known, by the time it was time to leave, Raquel was aloof accepting her alcohol on. There was no way she was gonna get Evie home by her curfew, and she didn’t.
Evie glowered at the afterimage of her reflection. Why, why hadn’t Raquel aloof alleged her aback aftermost night? As a best friend, she owed it to her. Aback nine o’clock formed around, it had become acutely accessible to Evie that she was activity to absorb addition connected night at home alone. And afterwards beat from one absoluteness makeover appearance to the next, she accomplished it was she, not addition midwestern housewife, who bare a change. She capital article that accepted attention, respect. She wanted… beard the blush of the Cancun ocean! And that’s how The Reinvention of Evie Gomez, Mex-treme Makeover, Friday Night Home Edition came to be.
But as of now, Saturday morning, it was acutely axiomatic that she had absolutely absent her senses the night before. Her amateur dye job screamed beauty-school flunk-out. The achromatize she’d acclimated to band her amber wasn’t broadcast as analogously as it should accept been and now her arch looked like a check of beige, white, and blue, the civic colors of… whatever country’s banderole was beige, white, and blue. She looked like crap.
“What do you think, Meho?” she toed her macho tabby, nestled at the bottom of her bed. “Punk bedrock or goth-metal dork?”
But Meho couldn’t affliction beneath about her accompaniment of dejected disrepair.
He aerial up his afterwards leg and started to lick abaft it.
“Cla-see,” Evie smirked as she gave him a slight tap with the blow of her foot.
She heard Lindsay, the Gomez’s housekeeper, about-face up the aggregate of El Mercadito on the kitchen radio downstairs. Added than that, the abode was quiet. She was abiding her father, Ruben Gomez, had larboard hours ago for one of his several panaderías and her mother, Vicki, was apparently in the basin accomplishing her binding fifty laps.
Evie pulled her Dean Miller bedding up to her button and looked blankly up at the ceiling. From her sister, Sabrina, who took eighteen credits a division while advancement admiral of the best celebrated Latina abode at Stanford University to big ol’ comatose Molesto (given name: Ernesto) — the Gomez’s atramentous labrador, who accepted his pre-poop airing about the ambit of the block every morning at 6 A.M.- the Gomezes were a actual focused, aggressive family. They accentuated the Go in Gomez, all of them, that is except for Evie, who acquainted added of a claimed affiliation to the backward z as in Gomezzzzzzzz… She yawned, aerial her Roxy T, and aching her belly. It was now 10:45 A.M. Yeah, she could beddy-bye a little bit added and accord with las dilemas later.
Just afresh the associate alive on her computer dinged, signaling to Evie that one of her online buddies was accessible to chat. Raquel?… Finally.
Evie pushed off her blankets and went over to her desk.
But it wasn’t Raquel. It was Shaggy who had already instantmessaged her.
ShaggyMA (10:46 AM): Hey, U up?
RioChica (10:46 AM): Yup. U aloof deathwatch up, too?
ShaggyMA (10:47 AM): No. Aloof got in from surfing. Did Dawn Patrol this morning. Crazy. Surfer annual was there and took photos of us.
Evie acquainted jealous. Did anybody accept a added agitative activity than she did? During her períod of home internment, she had met Shaggy via a babble allowance for MASA. No, not masa, as in dough, but MASA as in the Mexican-American Surfing Association. Evie hadn’t alike accepted such a affair existed, but anytime aback she’d bent Dejected Crush on cable with Raquel over the summer, she had become a mad alive surfer. On the Internet, that is. Raquel wasn’t so hot on complete abstraction afterwards seeing the film, so Evie researched all things cream on her own. How could she alive in California and not surf? All those years as a kid at the bank and not already ride a wave? As a fourth-generation Cali babe she at atomic looked the part, from her sixty-dollar Hollister Ts to her Roxy hibiscus-print lath shorts. Evie had alike gone so far as to buy a surfboard, a white nine-foot, five-fin custom connected board, abnormally shaped for her by the one and abandoned Max of Santa Barbara. But accuracy was, Evie had yet to alike get the cher stick wet and, to be clumsily direct, she could almost alike administer a ankle lath in waist-high whitewater. Que scandalous, no?
RioChica (10:50 AM): What do you anticipate of the blush blue?
ShaggyMA (10:50 AM): One of my sticks is blue.
RioChica (10:51 AM): Air-conditioned enough.
ShaggyMA (10:51 AM): Hey, gotta go.
RioChica (10:51 AM): Sure, TTYL!
Sigh. Evie was alone, and bored, again.
Suddenly the latest Moz (Given name: Steven Patrick
Morrisy) download, blared from her corpuscle phone. Evie got up from her lath and affective the buzz off her nightstand. She saw Raquel’s face on the screen, her connected beard pulled over in advanced of her amateur and her button fatigued down. Ugh. Evie cautiously addled accessible her phone.
“Heeey,” drawled Raquel’s abrasive voice. Apparently Raquel had gone out the night before. After Evie. WTF?
“Oh, hey,” Evie said aggravating to complete aloof as casual.
“So…,” Raquel started. Evie could faculty a smile on the added end. “You got your buzz back.”
“Uh, yeah,” Evie said. “I absolutely got it aback yesterday, as of bristles P.M.”
“Oh, yeah.” Raquel paused. “That’s right.”
“So what happened?” Evie asked. “You said we were gonna do something, go out. I larboard you like a gazillion messages.”
“Yeah.” Raquel let out a moose-sized yawn. “Sorry about that. I absolutely spaced. My parents went out and afresh Jose came over with a six-pack. We concluded up blame it, watching Fuel all night. Boring.” The moose yawned again.
“Oh.” Evie approved to complete calm, but she was afire up inside. “That’s cool. Did Alex or Mondo go out?”
“Nah,” Raquel said. “Nobody did nothing.”
Evie relaxed. At atomic she hadn’t absent anything, but that didn’t absolutely abruptness her. The bristles Flojos — herself, Alex, Mondo, Raquel, and her boy Jose — aggregate one affair in accepted and that one affair was the absolute, all-consuming, amaranthine admiration to… do absolutely nothing. Was it the cliche boyish apostasy adjoin their crammer fathers? Too abounding spins (and lyric interpretations) of Cypress Hill on Mondo’s Technics turntable? Wherever they were, be it poolside or oceanside, and whatever you alleged it, trifling or chilling, the Flojos did aught together. Never apperception Bearing Y. The Flojos were in a bearing of their own-Generation YBother?
Coincidentally, flojo (correct Spanish pronunciation: flowho) agency apathetic in English, but it’s additionally what you alarm flip-flops (correct South Cali pronunciation: flow-joe) and as everybody knows, flip-flops are a appealing apathetic alibi for a shoe. But the Flojos were determined aback it came to their flip-flops and wore them 24/7/365. From high-end Havaianas ($118) to lowend artificial bin specials from Savon (true flojos, Alex claimed), annihilation came amid Flojos and their flojos.
But it wasn’t aloof attitude or a accepted cossack aesthetics that had brought the Flojos together. Evie and Raquel had been accompany aback growing up in Rio Estates and aftermost year aback they were freshmen, Raquel absorbed up with Jose. He was a tall, angular green with the Mars Volta ‘fro and atramentous titanium button labret acute that gave him a aberrant attending that Raquel fell for hard. Already they started dating, his sidekicks Mondo (he who had a “delivery job”) and Alex (he who absolutely did some surfing) came automatically included in the package. Of course, it was authentic authority credibility for Evie and Raquel to adhere with upperclassmen. Besides, few acceptance at Villanueva Preparatory High Academy were like them — affluent kids whose ancestors crests — that is, if they had crests — independent the belletrist x, y, or z (read: Latino).
Evie’s ancestors had a crest, sorta. If you counted the small, peach-tinted seashell logo for her father’s acknowledged business, Conchita’s Bread. Years ago her ancestor started Conchita’s and acknowledgment to his adamantine assignment (along with Evie’s great-grandma Conchita’s abstruse pan dulce recipes), the Gomezes had accustomed area they are now: a big ol’ Spanish-style abode with a pond basin in the aback and her father’s Escalade in the front. Not absolutely ransom-worthy rich, but the Gomezes, like a lot of the families in Rio Estates, were appealing able-bodied off.
“So,” Evie continued. She took a abysmal breath. “I chopped off my hair.”
“What?” Raquel said.
“My hair,” Evie repeated. “It’s gone.”
“What do you mean?”
“I afraid it off. And…” Evie paused for affecting flair. “I absolute it blue, sorta.” Evie acquainted appreciative and a bit smug. She admired the abstraction that she’d done article so radical, on her own, and after consulting Raquel. It was so un-Evie of her.
“Yeah.” Raquel yawned. “I absolute my beard dejected one time.”
“Really?” It was so Raquel of Raquel to try and beat Evie. And Evie wasn’t abiding she was affairs it. “When?”
“One time aback I was up in the Bay Area, like two summers ago. It absolutely clashed with my complexion. Brownies can’t be antic blue. I afflicted it aback the abutting day.”
“You never told me that,” Evie said, still suspicious.
“‘Cause it was absolutely no big deal.”
Evie acquainted herself accepting annoyed. “So,” she said, alteration the subject. “What’s the plan for tonight?”
“Um.” Raquel yawned again. “Jose heard about some affair out abreast Bard. You in?”
“Definitely,” Evie said. Actually, she hoped they would drive bottomward to L.A., do article covert, crazy. Rio Estates was aloof sixty afar arctic of Los, but it was still bourgeoisie and, of course, acutely uneventful. Alike admitting she was a Flojo, Evie had consistently acquainted the slight tug of absent article more, to do article alfresco of the 805.
But Raquel did say that the night’s affair was “out abreast Bard,” so that could beggarly anything.
“As connected as I’m home by twelve thirty,” Evie reminded Raquel. “I mean, not alike twelve thirty-two in the driveway.
My mom will aberration if I’m backward again.”
“Yeah, and we don’t wanna aberration out ol’ Vicki,” Raquel said in a accent meant to appearance she was so over mothers and curfews.
“She charge accept crapped artery aback she saw your hair, huh?”
“Not really,” Evie lied. “Like you said, it’s absolutely no big deal.”
But Evie was starting to worry. What would her mother say about her hair? Vicki Gomez was accepted for possessing the allegorical Gomez fury, unleashed aback article didn’t go her way.
Just then, addition agape on Evie’s bedchamber door. She sank into her bed and bound pulled the area over her head.
Well, at atomic she wouldn’t accept to delay any best — she was about to acquisition out how her mother acquainted about accepting a Smurf for a daughter.
Whew. It was abandoned Lindsay. “Are you awake?” she asked from the hallway.
“Si, si, Lindsay,” Evie alleged out, authoritative abiding to accumulate her arch covered. “Come in.” She told Raquel she had to adhere up.
“Oh, hey…,” Raquel started. “One aftermost thing.”
“Yeah?” Evie asked.
“Did you dye your pubes, too? ‘Cause if you’d done your shrub, now, that woulda been absolute crazy ass.”
“Good-bye, Raquel.” Evie formed her eyes and addled her corpuscle buzz shut afore casting it assimilate the floor. Yup. No agnosticism about it. Raquel was absolutely a bitch.
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